|would love to cut their strings|
and see them fly away
i am juggling two jobs and real life.
One job is full of adult conversation and email troubleshooting and password troubleshooting, and some sales. OH, and a WHOLE lot of sarcasm. It is a retail job, and i am thankful for the lessons i am learning and have learned there, and especially for the friendships and connections that i have made since i began there in September 2010. It is an all-consuming job, with its fair share of ups and downs, and plenty of strangers, but not a lot of depth with them.
Yet, i have felt part of my soul fall to the wayside as i take on the demanding roles in both of these jobs. Over time i have gotten exhausted with asking questions about emails or poopy diapers. i have started to glaze over when i meet someone new. i think to myself: Will they ask me to help them with their iDevice? Will this child be full if we only eat a little before nap and a little after? i have stopped looking for the bigger story that is going on in my life and in the lives of those people that i meet.
i think that it is because of this exhaustion, that my interest in strangers hits a peak and i come across like a dehydrated person in the desert. In my head i think to myself "SOMEONE NEW!!!!!" and promptly come on too pushy and too strong to someone who has never had more than a 5 minute conversation with me. Or in the opposite direction, when i do have down time, or when i am alone, i withdraw. i spend the afternoon in my home with the curtains blocking out the world and i sleep, or i languish in front of my internet distractions.
So, as i re-gear my life and attempt to focus on sitting in coffeeshops to people watch, and being outside to reflect on life and all of nature's beautiful things, i want to thank You (universally) in advance for the life lessons and laughter that we are embarking for. i am resolving to be a better friend, invest deeper in the people who invest in me, and to make a difference instead of coming up short. There is always hope for change, for maturity, for growth.
|it's a brand new day.|